I am headed home!

Angels Landing

Angels Landing

Angels landing is a popular hike in Zion National Park, Utah. I am also naming the Cancer Center at Huntsman Angels Landing.

From the moment I walked into the building I was met by beautiful, caring, helpful Angels. As I fell under anesthesia I will never forget the male angel who held my hand, and with the other hand on my heart he said "We will take good care of you."  He comforted me, he made me feel safe, but more importantly, he told me the truth.

Post op as I woke up from what I assumed was a bike wreck, I was surrounded by angels who knew exactly what to do and say as I floated in and out of reality. One poor nurse was mistaken by me as a male in a ponytail. I could not figure out why he was not wearing a helmet so I continued to lecture him. Shortly later, realizing it was actually a beautiful female nurse! I embarrassingly apologized.

Later, I was brought to the 5th floor (Angels Landing) where nurse after nurse and doctor after doctor, each armed with a quiver of magic arrows to make me feel better, came in and out of my room. Beautiful, smart nurses with perfect skin and giant hearts answer my multiple questions with genuine sweetness.

 A doctor came in near midnight, on crutches, after having a climbing wall accident just to tell me she wanted to say hello since she was in the hospital (with her own torn ligaments.). She stood on her swelling ankle and chatted calmly and carefully as if she had nowhere she would rather be, even though she must have been terribly uncomfortable in her robot boot.

My male aid, Cody, spoke with me of our shared love of desert adventures and he taught me how to say hello and goodbye in Czech. My first nurse, Lindsay (awesome name) was a personal trainer before becoming a nurse. Her student, Kristin, led me on my first walk with her tiny little hand. I feared I would squish her if I fell.  My current night nurse, Camille is the sweetest, tiniest angel who doesn't blink an eye at blood or guts or urine.  And at 3am when I was woken by a tech to take blood, not only did I not feel the poke, I could not quit staring at the most incredible pair of green eyes I have seen in my life.

And the true angel of my life right now is Trey. He has been up all hours with me supporting me, loving me, communicating for me and staying by my side no matter my mood or pain. I am proud to have such a good man loving me.

My parents are two more angles but that is no surprise to me as they have always been that way.

I am truly lucky and blessed to be surrounded by such a wonderful team. These care givers have dedicated their days, nights and weekends to helping cancer patients. It's 5am, I've just had a major surgery, yet if I didn't know any better (or if I had a few more shots of drugs) I wouldn't assume I was in a hospital, I would assume I had landed in heaven.

Road Trip

Road trip!

Time to head to SLC. I had an awesome "surge" pre surgery. I got everything situated at work and then Trey and I rode our ride bikes to Teton Village where I ate my favorite Som Tom (papaya salad) from Teton Thai. We charged through a sweet headwind home so we could have time to hike beaver mountain for a quick paraglide adventure. We ended the night with sandwiches and fries ( yes folks, I had both white bread and fried food. )

Now we drive. I can't wait to see my parents!  The silver lining is I get to spend some time with my favorite people.

Bag Packing

Bag packing...

I've packed my bags many times in life. I packed for a 6 month internship in Guam having no idea where Guam even was. I have packed for beach vacations: Hawaii, Jamaica, Costa Rica, Bahamas and more. I've packed for ski trips to Iceland, soccer trips to Italy, Aruba, Austrailia.  I have packed so many times I am actually a sponsored pro. 

I enjoy packing because as you lay out clothes and gear, you can see into the future the fun that will be had.  And honestly who doesn't like filling all those super tech pockets with useful accessories like waterproof Bluetooth speakers?

This time packing sucks. I'm packing my hospital bag. I have no idea what I will want or need. According to the Hyster Sisters website, social media and blogs I really need my "fat pants."  Super! Lindsey, don't forget your fat pants so you don't get disgusted trying to squeeze your swollen, cut up, tender belly into skinny jeans. Thanks captain obvious. 

Let's see, fat pants, check.  Underwear two sizes too big, check. Dignity, check. 

Oh yea. Hyster Sisters said not to forget the baby wipes. For what exactly? I thought a hysterectomy was a farewell to the uterus therefore a farewell to babies. Purely as a rebellious act I will refuse to bring baby wipes.  Take that!

Update

UPDATE: Surgery moved up!!

I moved my surgery to this Friday the 25th!

Food

Food, glorious food!

I aspire to write a cookbook. I have enjoyed the opportunity at 3 Creek Ranch to host a cooking class with our head chef to highlight and familiarize my clients with healthy and interesting foods. The class is called "Lean with Lindsey."

My favorite food in the world is tuna poke. I was exposed to tuna poke when I lived in Micronesia. Below is my favorite food, my favorite recipe, and my favorite way to impress guests. Enjoy!

My Favorite Tuna Poke

• 1/4 to 1/2 cup Tamari (Gluten free soy sauce)
• 1/2 tablespoon sambal oelek
• 1 teaspoon sesame oil (more to taste)
• 3 scallions, white and green parts separated, sliced thinly on the bias
• 2 cloves garlic, smashed and finely chopped
• One 1/2-inch piece ginger, peeled and grated
• 1/2 white onion, such as Maui onion, julienned
• 1 pound ahi tuna, cut into 1/2-inch chunks
• 2 tablespoons chopped dry-roasted macadamia nuts (can also use toasted sesame seeds or black sesame seeds as pictured below)

 

Combine the tamari, sambal, sesame oil, scallion whites, garlic, ginger and onions in a medium bowl. Toss in the tuna and let sit in the fridge for 30 minutes.

Stir in the macadamia nuts. Plate as desired and garnish with the scallion greens.

 

Adding a diced avocado is also delicious. This can be served with brown rice as a Poke Bowl. You can also serve in a lettuce cup or endive leaf.

 

 

Scaring yourself

The thrill of scaring yourself:

As you all know I am an adrenaline junkie. I love to ski off cliffs, ride a bike on the ledge of a mountain, jump from high points into water, etc.  As any extreme athlete will tell you, the secret to fearlessly pursuing these activities is feeling "in control" of the situation. I can ski off the cliff because I have spent 100's of days preparing my muscles, joints, tendons and mind. I've gone to Avalanche training, I have diligently studied the terrain, I've checked and rechecked my top of the line equipment. The same with biking, paragliding, sky diving, kayaking, or any activity.  I am strong and smart and prepared for what to do if something goes wrong. 

The point of this post is to tell you all what I did that scared me more than any previous wild idea...  I Google imaged abdominal hysterectomy. Bad idea! It's easy to forget when a doctor shows you a nice clean diagram of human insides that everything is surrounded by blood and fat and tissue. The image I saw was a gruesome hip to hip opening full of the remains of a great white shark attack. (If you Google it be prepared for sleepless nights and a bit of nausea.) 

I honestly wish I didn't see that image. Ignorance is bliss in this situation. The reason it is so scary is because I'm not in control. If I were a trained oncology surgeon and could do my own surgery that would be better. Instead, I will be knocked out with the control passed into the hands of a stranger. Giving control to a stranger is a foreign concept to a thrill seeker. It's like scuba diving without checking your oxygen tank.  It's like climbing the Grand Teton when someone else packed your pack. But here I go, cliff jumping into water I cannot even see!

What happens when?

What happens when?...

What happens when you are told you have cancer?  I went on a backpacking trip. The Teton Crest Trail would be my counselor. During my 3 day trip I decided I was on a reality show called "What happens when?"  The concept of the show is to break terrifying news to someone and see how that person reacts. The show has a panel of therapists, doctors and health professionals that judge your actions and reactions. Imagining that I was a contestant on the show I dealt with the emotions as I climbed, descended, scrambled and schlepped my way through the majestic Tetons. I screamed into valleys and cried beneath the flickering light of a thunder storm. Carefully stepping across jagged lose rocks I concluded that at the end of the trail it would all be fake and I would be handsomely rewarded for my ability to handle the news. Sadly, the end of the road had no camera crews or oversize checks with my name. I was at death canyon parking lot with the reality of the situation loaded heavier on me than my overstuffed backpack.

Now it's 2 weeks later. I've visited the Huntsman Cancer Hospital to have my options laid before me. Words like radiation, chemo, surgery, recovery and remission have been added to my daily conversations.

I'm not scared! I'm not sick! Just yesterday I ran a sub-1 hour 10k, climbed Beaver Mountain and paraglided back to the ground.

The plan is a radical hysterectomy scheduled for October 2. Not exactly how I prefer using the word "radical."  However this is my radical journey and I chose to share it with you.