3 Weeks or 1 Week (depending on the surgery)
The last few days in Jackson were beautiful. Sorry I didn't blog.
I wasn't outside hiking and biking so don't worry. I am still following the doctors orders and taking it easy. I have been on some small walks and sat outside in a chair. The big news is I drove!!! I went to the grocery, where I can't lift more than 15 pounds so I bought 3 avocados and some grapes. It didn't matter what I bought, I just wanted the feeling of independence and freedom.
I've been thinking a lot about what I thought my recovery would be like. I thought I would blog, catch up on reading, watch great movies, work on my cookbook and enjoy time off work and exercise. NOT how It is! This has not been a pleasurable break. I can't get comfortable, ever. However, I feel a change coming...
My incision is looking good. Honestly, nearly undetectable to the untrained eye. Only one small spot is not fully closed yet (yes the leaking is annoying.) My insides are healing. Today I coughed and didn't feel like a horse kicked me in the belly. It felt more like a tiny unicorn. I can laugh (awesome!) Laughing was incredibly painful just a few days ago. Getting up and down from seated or laying isn't as much of a chore. Standing and walking are bearable. I'm off pain pills.
I can't wait to wear normal clothes. If the incision were closed I think my clothes would fit. I still have swelly belly but not too bad. I'm tired of fat pants. I certainly don't want to go back to work at the fitness center wearing fat pants.
I'm feeling optimistic. The setback that led to the second surgery is just a tiny speed bump. My mental strength continues to build as my physical strength improves. I'm almost through this. And honestly, this has been tough but it could have been much worse. If this is my life's biggest battle I should count my blessings.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Monday, October 12, 2015
Toughness
Toughness
Toughness comes in many forms. In the case of my situation I am going to discuss two: mental toughness and physical toughness.
At the beginning of this cancer mess my body was strong, fit, and capable to handle the mental toughness of my diagnosis and the unpredictable road ahead. Now, after surgery and complications, my physical toughness is hanging on by a thread. It is now that I must call on my mental toughness to be the super hero.
My body is the weakest it has been. My bladder actually went to sleep and forgot that it has a job to do. Can you imagine the helplessness of trying to harness energy and motivation just to get a bladder going. I know how to fire my gluteus or my quads, but my bladder...
Using my batman light I called in mental toughness. Lindsey, you can handle this. A few more days and the body will be feeling safe and everything will function properly. I walked two laps around my garage saying, a month from now you will be skiing.
Come on body...Be the Ying to my brains Yang. I need you both.
Toughness comes in many forms. In the case of my situation I am going to discuss two: mental toughness and physical toughness.
At the beginning of this cancer mess my body was strong, fit, and capable to handle the mental toughness of my diagnosis and the unpredictable road ahead. Now, after surgery and complications, my physical toughness is hanging on by a thread. It is now that I must call on my mental toughness to be the super hero.
My body is the weakest it has been. My bladder actually went to sleep and forgot that it has a job to do. Can you imagine the helplessness of trying to harness energy and motivation just to get a bladder going. I know how to fire my gluteus or my quads, but my bladder...
Using my batman light I called in mental toughness. Lindsey, you can handle this. A few more days and the body will be feeling safe and everything will function properly. I walked two laps around my garage saying, a month from now you will be skiing.
Come on body...Be the Ying to my brains Yang. I need you both.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Is this the drugs talking
Drugs Talking
It's likely the drugs talking but I'm out of the last surgery and I feel GOOD! I tentatively looked under the covers and down to my stomach a few minutes ago and it looks flat! The incision is thin and perfect. Thank you Dr. Soisson and team. I have no idea how they turned that samari sword slice into this.
It's likely the drugs talking but I'm out of the last surgery and I feel GOOD! I tentatively looked under the covers and down to my stomach a few minutes ago and it looks flat! The incision is thin and perfect. Thank you Dr. Soisson and team. I have no idea how they turned that samari sword slice into this.
Bad Kangaroo
Bad kangaroo
Turns out the kangaroo pouch is bad news. It is a seroma. I'm sorry for not blogging but the last three days have been really difficult. With no sugar coating, here is the story:
I mentioned I was having bleeding after my long walk on Tuesday. When it continued over night I called my team at Huntsman. They advised going to Dr. Gerling in Jackson. She is the doc who diagnosed me. I called at 8:45 and by 9:15 she had used a scalpel to reopen the wound to release the seroma. Blood was everywhere. Like a haunted house zombie scene. I'm not exaggerating. She then debreeded the wound and packed it. Very painful steps.
At 4:30 the same day I was back with my best pal and as Dr. Gerling did it again, Elizabeth watched and took notes because she was to do it twice a day for 4-6 weeks. This time she poked a copper headed stick multiple times directly into the wound to cause blood clotting. OUCH!
Just so you understand the severity of the wound, it is 10 inches long and 3 inches deep. I have a picture that I'm not going to post.
Thursday was filled with pain, light headedness, temperature spikes, lack of appetite and total energy loss. I had similar symptoms to a person in shock. Emotional and physical setback was causing me to feel anger and depression and again I called Huntsman. I was monitoring my temperature closely overnight, until my Friday 1pm appointment.
After changing the dressing and repacking the wound by my superhero best girlfriend/ stand in nurse, amazing woman, I had a somewhat difficult road trip to SLC. Thankful that Trey is patient, sympathetic and loving, we made it at exactly 1pm. At 1:01 I had my entire team looking at me. Uncharacteristicly, when Dr. Soisson asked me how I was feeling, I started crying.
The team decided to readmit me to the hospital immediately and since Dr. Soisson is the weekend surgeon on call he would put me back together. The good news, best news, news that makes this a beautiful day is that my pathology on the lymphectomy was CLEAN!!! No cancer had spread!!
In a couple hours I'll be getting seen back together. The kangaroo has left the building.
Turns out the kangaroo pouch is bad news. It is a seroma. I'm sorry for not blogging but the last three days have been really difficult. With no sugar coating, here is the story:
I mentioned I was having bleeding after my long walk on Tuesday. When it continued over night I called my team at Huntsman. They advised going to Dr. Gerling in Jackson. She is the doc who diagnosed me. I called at 8:45 and by 9:15 she had used a scalpel to reopen the wound to release the seroma. Blood was everywhere. Like a haunted house zombie scene. I'm not exaggerating. She then debreeded the wound and packed it. Very painful steps.
At 4:30 the same day I was back with my best pal and as Dr. Gerling did it again, Elizabeth watched and took notes because she was to do it twice a day for 4-6 weeks. This time she poked a copper headed stick multiple times directly into the wound to cause blood clotting. OUCH!
Just so you understand the severity of the wound, it is 10 inches long and 3 inches deep. I have a picture that I'm not going to post.
Thursday was filled with pain, light headedness, temperature spikes, lack of appetite and total energy loss. I had similar symptoms to a person in shock. Emotional and physical setback was causing me to feel anger and depression and again I called Huntsman. I was monitoring my temperature closely overnight, until my Friday 1pm appointment.
After changing the dressing and repacking the wound by my superhero best girlfriend/ stand in nurse, amazing woman, I had a somewhat difficult road trip to SLC. Thankful that Trey is patient, sympathetic and loving, we made it at exactly 1pm. At 1:01 I had my entire team looking at me. Uncharacteristicly, when Dr. Soisson asked me how I was feeling, I started crying.
The team decided to readmit me to the hospital immediately and since Dr. Soisson is the weekend surgeon on call he would put me back together. The good news, best news, news that makes this a beautiful day is that my pathology on the lymphectomy was CLEAN!!! No cancer had spread!!
In a couple hours I'll be getting seen back together. The kangaroo has left the building.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Tetons Aglow
The Tetons are Aglow
Twilight and its magic colors paint the tips of the Tetons a pinkish orange. From my condo, I can look out the window and watch the ever changing Alpinglow. The wispy clouds close to the horizon are purple, as I look higher in the sky they change to a glowing blush. This is my favorite time of day to be outside. The wind glasses off and a calmness settles in the valley. Look West to the sunset or look East to the mountains reflecting the moment.
I want to run and jump and play. I want to roll in the fall leaves. I am restless. Day 10 of only walking. I walked 4 miles today and was punished with abdominal bleeding from my incision. Nothing to be alarmed by. I called my nurse and she said I likely went too far despite the fact that it was painless. She suggested more frequent short walks. Now I'm stuck laying down to let the blood clot. Difficult considering every day at noon I self-inject blood thinner into my stomach.
As I've written, the sun has set on another Wyoming day. One more day of recovery. One day closer to ski season. These two things make me smile. One day closer...
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Kangaroo Pouch
Kangaroo Pouch
First of all , If you are going to have a radical hysterectomy with lymph node-ectomy, here is what they don't tell you...
The body looks STRANGE post op. It starts out like the Michelin man invaded you from knees to chest. Lots of swelling and rolls. Then you look like Violet Beauregarde from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when she chews the gum and turns into a blueberry. This look comes because of the bruising.
Now I'm 8 days out and I would describe my current look as kangaroo pouch. I don't just have a kangaroo pouch, I can feel the baby kangaroo inside the pouch fighting to get out. He pulls and pushes against my skin. Mostly when I sit or stand.
Despite my pouch, today was my best day yet. My tummy is starting to look more normal. The swelling is slowly going down. The strips are still holding my incision together but I'm starting to realize I might eventually get back to my pre cancer self.
Trey took both of us on a walk (me and baby kangaroo.) We went to the feedlot where the leaves have fallen. The weather was cool and we walked along the river. Having jogged on that path many times I wished I could be running, but I was thankful to be walking. Only a week ago my big activity was a small loop around floor 5 of the hospital. And the beauty of the Snake River with its fall colors beats floor 5 anytime.
The baby kangaroo started to get restless as we made our way back to the car, reminding me that I can't take things too fast. I must listen to the baby kangaroo.
First of all , If you are going to have a radical hysterectomy with lymph node-ectomy, here is what they don't tell you...
The body looks STRANGE post op. It starts out like the Michelin man invaded you from knees to chest. Lots of swelling and rolls. Then you look like Violet Beauregarde from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when she chews the gum and turns into a blueberry. This look comes because of the bruising.
Now I'm 8 days out and I would describe my current look as kangaroo pouch. I don't just have a kangaroo pouch, I can feel the baby kangaroo inside the pouch fighting to get out. He pulls and pushes against my skin. Mostly when I sit or stand.
Despite my pouch, today was my best day yet. My tummy is starting to look more normal. The swelling is slowly going down. The strips are still holding my incision together but I'm starting to realize I might eventually get back to my pre cancer self.
Trey took both of us on a walk (me and baby kangaroo.) We went to the feedlot where the leaves have fallen. The weather was cool and we walked along the river. Having jogged on that path many times I wished I could be running, but I was thankful to be walking. Only a week ago my big activity was a small loop around floor 5 of the hospital. And the beauty of the Snake River with its fall colors beats floor 5 anytime.
The baby kangaroo started to get restless as we made our way back to the car, reminding me that I can't take things too fast. I must listen to the baby kangaroo.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
The guard dog
The Guard Dog
In the hospital my dad brought me a tiny bulldog stuffed toy. I would put the dog on my chest or on the edge of the bed. If a nurse came in with a needle to give me a poke, the dog would start growling. That little guy was my guard dog.
My mom brought me two pillows with handmade pink pillow cases. It wasn't the pillows I loved, it was that the cases smelled like "home." Home to me isn't a particular house or location. Home to me is people. Having those pillowcases, that little dog, and my parents meant I was home.
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