Outpouring of Love

Outpouring of Love

First, I would like to thank my 3 Creek friends who have sent messages of support, care and love. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful place to work and such amazing clients and friends.

The good news is that I am back at work and training again. Training makes me feel productive. I know I am helping people. I know I have knowledge and experience that people appreciate. I know that my spirit and good attitude have been missed.

Yesterday I rode a spin bike for 10 minutes and did another 10 minutes on an elliptical. I was surprised that I wasn't more fatigued from the effort. I laid on the ground and did some minimal stretching. I used a foam roller for the first time since before surgery. It was AWESOME!

Second, I would like to apologize for not blogging. I have no real excuse. I have not been busy. The only reason I have not written is that I was afraid of being  negative. I am trying so very hard to stay  positive and continue my healing journey.

I was very frustrated the last few weeks. My body is healing and I am feeling better, but I am not back to "normal." I do realize that my "normal" is not the average normal. I want to be training for ski season. I want to go into the snow covered mountains and slip, slide and play.

I told myself when I scheduled the surgery that I would be back to normal by Halloween. (my favorite holiday: which Trey and I celebrated by watching all four of the "Saw" movies instead of going out in our amazing costumes.)  Now I am thinking Thanksgiving.  What seems to be the problem you may ask? It is incredibly hard to explain. My stomach muscles are extremely tight. I feel like I have a bike tube wrapped tightly around my lower abdomen.  I have trouble bending over to touch my toes or bending sideways. I have trouble getting up and down off the floor. These things are all minor inconveniences, the real issue is that my incision is still leaking.  I cannot express the frustration of wanting to get on with my life and having to constantly change gauze pads, and drip, drip, drip. ARGH!!!!!!!

I have an appointment at 1:30 today to have it checked. I assume this is normal. What I am really looking for is peace of mind. To know that it is fine, to know it isn't another seroma, to know that I am still moving in the right direction is what I am looking for. I honestly believe it is what the doctor will say.

I sound like a spoiled kid. I should be thankful that I am healthy and that the surgery was successful. I went through the hardest thing I have ever been through and I am still standing to tell you about the experience. I know I should be patient and not get frustrated. I know I should be appreciative of the things I can do and not fixate on the things I can't do. For this, I apologize. I am not proud of myself for getting frustrated. I am a "glass half full" kind of girl.

Again, I apologize for not blogging during the time that the glass was half empty. Especially if you are reading this because you are going through something similar. It isn't all smiles and giggles. The struggle is real. The reality is a struggle. However, in the end, it will make us stronger!